After a life changing 5 hours, we got in the car and just sat. What now? We were told the unthinkable. We were now waiting for multiple calls to schedule port surgery, multiple different body scans, and when I would be starting chemo. We realized we needed to start telling our loved ones.
I first called my dad and told him he needed to get in the car and drive 2.5 hours because I had stage 3 breast cancer. If you know my dad his answer of “oh my god, okay, I have to get someone to watch the dogs” was completely on-brand for him. I needed him here though because my mother was at my house watching my two older girls alone. I couldn’t call her and tell her I had cancer. First of all, I was completely convinced this was going to kill her and she was currently responsible for my kids. I was more concerned about her dying from this diagnosis than me. When I told her I was going to college only an hour and a half away and she cried for months and continued to ask me “not to do this to her”. *enter eyeroll emoji*Sam’s father was an ER doctor for over 30 years, so he was our next call because he would handle the medical jargon the best and would be able to pass it along to Sam’s family members. It’s never a good sign when a vetted ER doctor who has seen it all becomes speakless. Even with these phone calls, it still wasn’t hitting us what we were telling our family members. We were the “they got this” couple. We were raising our kids and making moves for a great future. We were young and in love and shit was about to get real.
I believe in quality not quantity when it comes to friendships. I would hide a body for you and I expect the same. That being said, if these friends ever found out I was told I had cancer and didn’t call them immediately, it would be my body they were hiding. I first called my two closest partners in crime. I never make phone calls because I am a millennial with anxiety so that was the first red flag when they saw my name pop up. The next was me asking “where are you”, “are you alone”, and “Are you sitting down”. Me being me, at first they assumed I was pregnant again. My husband could simply high five me and I’d get pregnant, so their assumtion wasn’t too far off. That’s when I dropped the news. This was my first time hearing the shock and disbelief of my diagnosis from someone other than myself. They asked if I was joking…again if you know me I’m a dark humored monster and this would be something I would jokingly say before saying lol jk it’s nothing. When the “I’m messing with you” never came, that’s when the tears started.Being told you have cancer is hard but telling the people you love the most was somehow even harder. I’m not a hugger but I wanted to hold my friends so badly in those moments. I was the one telling them it was all going to be okay which sounds backwards but was somehow helpful to me. It was the first time I was saying those words. It was the first time I understood this wasn’t my fight, this was OUR fight. I wasn’t fighting for myself anymore. I was fighting for my family, for my friends, and for my future with them. The “are you sitting down” phone calls continued and never got easier. I got “you’re pregnant” a few more times and the “I actually have cancer” never got easier. I was exhausted and couldn’t handle dropping the c-word bomb again so the phone calls turned into text messages. I felt terrible about telling my friends this news over text and ruining their day, but they are my ride or dies and they completely understood.
It wasn’t until a few hours later that my friends would message me back and say “okay. it just hit me. Wtf”. Honestly, I felt the same way.
Next to come was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, I had to tell my mother my own body was trying to kill me. I had to tell the woman who made me, raised me, and loved me to no end that I was sick.We walked into the house after no communication with my mom for five hours. Again, I couldn’t give my mom this news over the phone. She obviously knew something was up but her mind never went to something so serious. When Sam ushered the kids upstairs is when she realized the news was not going to be good.
I for some reason sat down on the ground and waited for the kids to leave the room when I finally made eye contact with my mom. I calmly said “Mommy, I have stage three breast cancer”. I paused and waited for her to explode or just leave the house completely. She started to repeat one word over and over again “okay, that’s okay, okay”. She got down on the floor and hugged me. Again, not a hugger but when you tell your mom you have cancer you can’t really deny her that. I told her my dad was on his way and we still didn’t know much but that this was going to be a hard road ahead. She then said the words that would save me and Sam during this crazy bullshit…”i’m moving in”. That’s when I realized I had nothing to worry about. My mommy was here.
Moms Don’t Get Sick 
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