Moms Don’t Get Sick

The what ifs in life can consume you especially when you are faced with something as heartbreaking as cancer. You start to think of the things you will miss and the people you will be leaving behind. When I had my girls, I thought of all the things I would get to experience with them. The first day of each school year, dance recitals, watching them make friendships for life, buying their prom dress or even their wedding dress. I have thought about the day I would have to explain puberty or talk them through a heartbreak. I planned out all these things in my head but I never planned how they would do all these things without me.

Selfishly, I don’t want to miss anything but for them I don’t want them to miss out on things that their mom should have taught them or showed them. Don’t worry girls, I’m not about to publicly explain how to use a tampon. I am going to give you some insight into how to move forward in life if the unthinkable does happen. I want to be here for all the milestones you will go through but in case I’m not, I am going to tell you who will.

Mommy has been through something unimaginable but I was able to get through it because of the people I had at my side. So here is my all-knowing wisdom…

You need to find yourself a Taylor…

A friend like Taylor is someone who sees the worst sides of you and loves them. She has never judged you even when you were dancing with a sweatshirt for pants. Taylor is someone you can say anything to, even the crazy thoughts in your head that could land you in jail. She will listen to it all and she may support you in doing those illegal things and she would also be the person to come bail you out of jail. She is the person that helps you grow into the person you always wanted to be. Taylor is the person who saw you at your rawest moments and chose to sit with you in those times. She didn’t demand to know how you were feeling or pushed you to stand back up and fix the problem. She just sat right next to you without a word to let you know when you were ready she would be there. I would call her a ride or die but that doesn’t even begin to explain our love for each other. Girls, you may find your Taylor in the most unexpected way and not even know you’ve just found your forever friend. I always say soulmates are real and Taylor is my soulmate.

You need to find a friend like Jamie…

A friend like Jamie is someone who takes care of you in ways you never knew you needed. She’s someone who plans ahead and has everything you need when you go out on adventures. She is also the friend you turn to when you feel lost in your thoughts and she is always able to say the right thing to pull you out of your funk. Jamie is the friend who you can tell all your accomplishes to, big or small, and she will be so supportive and encouraging. She’s your friend who just enjoys being with you whether it’s on an exciting girls night out or just going to the library to return your books. A friend like Jamie is someone who supports you just as much as you support them and expects nothing in return.

You need to find a friend like Karissa…

A friend like Karissa is someone who people will confuse as your lady lover. When you’re with Karissa, you never stop laughing even at the stupidest stuff. She checks your location even when she’s across the country and then texts you asking how the ice cream is when she sees you’re at dairy queen. She’s the only person you let hug you because if you don’t she will physically fight you. She’s the friend you met when you were extremely alone and thought no one in the world would understand what you were experiencing. She’s the friend who will jump up and down with you when there is good news and she’s the one who will drive hours just to sit with you after bad news. Karissa constantly tells you how amazing you are and refuses to allow you to talk badly about yourself. She allows you to sit in your sadness but helps you get back up again and be the bad bitch she knows you are. She’s the cheerleader you never knew you needed.

You need to find a friend like Sara…

A friend like Sara is someone who is like the sister you never had. Well, you guys do have a sister so I guess you are each other’s Sara. She’s the friend who knows literally everything about you because she was right next to you as it all unfolded. Childhood trauma? she knows about it and lived it with you. Awkward puberty stage? she was the one who explained sex to you with Barbie dolls and let you borrow her Victoria secret bras that were so padded your tiny boobies were in your throat. She was the friend you would stay up late with during sleepovers until one of our dads came in and yelled aggressively at us. She was the friend who’s mom and dad were like your second set of parents. Yes, I know you guys have the same parents but just work with me here. She is the friend where you can say one word that explains an entire inside joke and laugh till you pee. She’s the friend who no matter where you are in the world she’ll always pick up the phone when you need her. She’s the friend who could never be replaced.

Now, I hope that you find these friends one day because they have been my rock through everything I’ve ever gone through. When I got cancer, each of these friends were right there at my side without a second thought. Taylor took me to my appointments, Jamie picked me up when I thought I couldn’t keep going, Karissa knew exactly how to make me smile when I felt like I would never smile again, and Sara made me feel like myself again after thinking I lost who I was. These friends got me through everything. I hope you also find these friends in each other. Even if I am here for many more decades to come, I pray that you guys have a bond that no one can ever break. I hope you are each others Taylor, Jamie, Karissa, and Sara.

Now there’s one last friendship I pray you find, a friendship that is unlike all the rest. You need to find a friend like Sam…

Your dad is someone I didn’t find…I think your dad was a blessing sent to me. I know that sounds so lame but it’s true. Your dad and I have something that I know is extremely rare. When I received my cancer diagnosis, your dad said to me “I really wish I didn’t like you so much because this would be a lot easier”. That sounds crazy but it’s so true. How could two people so in love be faced with losing one another. I think our marriage works because above all Sam is my best friend. One of my favorite parts of the day is when we get into bed and tell each other about our day and just giggle. Your dad has seen me at my very worst and has never judged me or thought less of me. Your dad has been by my side since the day he asked me to be his girlfriend. He got down on one knee in my crappy Greensboro apartment and said my full name as he asked if I would do him the honor of being his partner. We have been inseparable since that day. I joke that I am co dependent on your dad but that is actually true. I feel safe and at ease when your dad is with me. We have received news that should have knocked us down but we stood strong. He held me when I was in labor with all of you and he was right next to me as I delivered you. Daddy and I love to see musicals and concerts together. We love watching stupid TV shows and movies and quoting them. We support each other in everything we do even if we think the other ones idea is terrible. We truly love each other unconditionally. He is my best friend who respects me and values me in a way no other man ever has. You might go through some crappy relationships and that is just a part of life but when you chose a husband make sure he is your best friend first. Make sure he sees you for the amazing, wonderful, brilliant, and talented women you are. Make sure he understands that you are a PRIZE and that he treats you that way and in return you treat him the same. Make sure he is as great as your dad.

I plan to be there for you in everything you do whether I’m physically there or not. I want you to know that you are worth these friendships. I want you to know that this world can be scary and unfair but if you surround yourself with people who love you and respect you as much as you do them, this world seems a little bit easier to handle. I love you and you better never forget that or I’ll haunt you.